Aug. 27, 2013 06:14

What to expect from A to Z

Pregnancy Symptoms. Y'all, there are an insane amount of them. I told my husband that if you wrote all the pregnancy symptoms that you get over the 10 months all on a sheet of paper and could see them together, we'd have at least a few less pregnancies. The book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" gets a lot of grief for covering every possible symptom that has ever been recorded and can add more fear than necessary. I actually found it comforting. Every time I read one that I didn't have, I felt a small victory and would normally say to myself "thank God I don't have that one!"

In light of this, a few months back I started a note on my phone with all the symptoms I don't have. It is super easy to get bogged down and complain about all the crazy things happening in your body. Besides the basics, like morning sickness, heartburn, moodiness and trouble breathing, there are some seriously weird ones: restless legs, bloody noses, itchy hands or belly, passing out, melasma face masks, new baby hairs at your scalp line, feeling like a grunting gorilla when your are trying to pull pants on. That last one just me?


If you are a mom, you are probably mentally checking off the ones you had. If you are not a mom, you are probably scared out of your mind. Don't be. Like I said, the good thing is you don't have all of the symptoms.

When people ask me how I feel, I'd love to go into the fact that I spend at least 10 minutes every night sitting on my stability ball trying to elongate my body to get rid of indigestion and breathing issues I'm having or working those legs to get rid of the restlessness that keeps me from falling asleep. Or that my fatigued body no longer keeps up with my brain, which is not fatigued and is a little disappointed the body isn't keeping up it's normal pace. Or that baby hiccups were cute at first, but not when they happen multiple times a day for 10 minutes at a time. To me they just feel like when your eye twitches, just in your cave of a belly that makes the biggest echo throughout the rest of my body. This one fact probably makes me a terrible mom to those of you who loved your baby's hiccups. Vivi, it's not you, it's me. Momma still loves you!

Why don't I go into rattling off this list of reasons why I've been uncomfortable since January? Because I'm grateful the biggest thing I have to complain about right now is restless legs that make it tough for me to fall asleep, instead of having trouble sleeping the other 7 to 8 hours a night. Or that I'm glad I'm fatigued just enough to need a nap every day instead of having to be on bed rest for the rest of pregnancy. Or that the indigestion I hate so much is what keeps me walking or working out, which has helped me stay flexible and avoid backaches.

My Don't Haves' list reminds me that I could have heartburn, a tiny human punching my ribs and so many other weird symptoms the world is probably not ready to hear about.

I'd love to hear what your weirdest symptoms were that you have when you were pregnant or the ones you were glad you didn't have. All us preggos could use a few additions to our Don't Haves list.

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