Aug. 6, 2015 09:00 AM

Things must be bad for his presidential campaign if Gov. Jindal has to pump up his name recognition with a Buzzfeed-produced push-up contest against anthropomorphized versions of his “issues.”

Things must be downright desperate given the Jindal camp approved the viral Hail Mary of a video (embedded below) despite Bobby losing meekly to the efficient and rippled arms of contestant “State of the Union 2009.” To wit, said representative champion of Jindal’s notorious 2009 stammer-fest is himself one of the “Hyphenated Americans” Bobby soundly beats in the contest, adding a layer of befuddling meta oddness if you think past the initial grotesque layers. Bobby beat “Hyphenated Americans” but lost to an actual “hyphenated American” representing his most visible public blunder. The pretzel-logic profundity of it has left me staring at a blinking cursor for the past three minutes.

Losing a push-up contest to a muscle-bound embodiment of his rhetorical ineptitude is so mind-bogglingly allegorical for the entire enterprise of his campaign that I’m beginning to wonder if this is all genius Jindal's attempt at Andy Kaufman-esque performance art.

Jindal’s record of engaging with the fifth estate has been dismal and tone-deaf, the #AskBobby Twitter debacle failing to generate anything meaningful other than a joyous distraction for smarmy reporters like me. Such pandering, such self-effacement, and yet he’s still sitting at the kids table when it comes to the GOP debates tonight (Aug. 6). You’re flying too close to the sun on wings of ham, Bobby.