News flash: Medicaid expansion unnecessary!

by Walter Pierce

Louisiana moved up a slot to 48th in the ranking of healthy states - once again, thank God for Mississippi! - so all this frettin' about Gov. Bobby Jindal's refusal to expand Medicaid per Obamacare ... fuggidaboutit! We don't need Medicaid no more!

Hallelujah and pass the lard, Looziana is bolting up the list of healthiest states. We were 49th last year, but now we're 48th.

We're still the most obese, er, curvy state in the union, and our infant mortality and low birth weight rates are near the top. But, according to United Health, we've done a little better at immunizing our chirrens and consequently enjoy a relatively low rate of whooping cough.

Hawaii is the healthiest state on the list, joined by a bunch of namby-pamby lib'rul states in New England and the Upper Midwest. The Pelican State is joined by Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi and West Virginia in the "I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing" section, with the Magnolia State stuck at the bottom.

To move up a notch on United Health Foundation's 2013 America's Health Rankings is a fine honor indeed, and we shall celebrate by stuffing a chicken and then stuffing the chicken inside a duck and stuffing the duck inside a turkey and strangling the turkey with a long link of boudin. Aw hell yeah!

Read more here.