OMG Vance McCallister!

by Walter Pierce

The disgraced north Louisiana congressman infamous for kissing not his wife knows initiative when he sees it. Hint: duct tape

Jeez, Kissing Congressman Vance McAllister, just when we were feeling a little sympathy for you via your libido's canny knack for deflowering your virginal political career - you did, after all, buck your party and endorse Medicaid expansion in Louisiana - you go and get all stupid in a hearing.

McAllister, as reported by Raw Story and other sites, got his manties in a bunch during a hearing of the cumbersomely named House Natural Resources Subcommittee on Fisheries, Wildlife, Oceans and Insular Affairs when some crane-hugging wildlife activist was testifying about the inadequacy of the single paragraph of regulations protecting animals in the National Refuge System. Specifically, Noah Matson of Defenders of Wildlife presented a slide show that included photos of oil pipelines that had been covered with duct tape and garbage bags to contain leaks.

The Kissing Congressman would have none of that: "You took a picture of someone who was innovative, and rather than leaving the fluid to drip on the ground, repaired it with duct tape and a garbage bag, and yet you seem to be very upset about that," McAllister told the deer stroker. "We're damned if we do and damned if we don't."

The fauna fawner pointed out that some of the photos indicate that said innovative repairs remained in place for up to a year and one good storm could result in leaking oil.

But the Smooching Solon was not impressed: "Could have, should have, would have. It didn't," he replied. "I understand you're wanting to protect wildlife, and look, I love the great outdoors, and I live in Louisiana, a sportsman's paradise, and I love it too. But I'm not for giving ducks and deer weapons to shoot back at me. just aggravates me that the body of Congress would be wasted with someone coming up and taking a picture of something that shows that it is fixed. It may not be fixed the way you want it. It may not be used by these high-dollar couplings and aluminum-brass thread - whatever you want put on them. But it's fixed. And it's not leaking."

We've nothing more to add, except that you can read more and see an embedded video of the exchange here.