Pooyie! 04.15.2009

It was only a matter of time before Apple rolled out an iPhone application that saves the world. Well, not quite, but maybe a small start. Through a partnership with The Conservation Fund, the new $5 iPhorest app pledges to plant actual native trees in vulnerable wildlife habitats along the Gulf Coast for each “virtual tree” its users plant with their phones. The program has reached an agreement with the state of Louisiana to provide up to 45,000 tree seedlings for the Boeuf Wildlife Management Area in Caldwell and Catahoula parishes, with assistance from Louisiana Wildlife and Fisheries. And, of course, iPhone users will never have to get their hands dirty.

Burn, baby, burn. That’s what you’re supposed to do with your bra, not the other way round. A Louisiana woman, along with three plaintiffs from other states, has withdrawn her support for sexy bra maker Victoria’s Secret. In fact she’s so irritated she’s filed suit against the makers of Angels Secret Embrace for selling her a bra that gave her a “horrible rash” and hives. The plaintiffs hooked Reserve, La.-based attorney Daniel Becnel Jr. Becnel also represents Hurricane Katrina and Rita victims who sued the federal government, claiming they were exposed to hazardous levels of formaldehyde fumes while living in FEMA trailers. So it wasn’t a stretch for the attorney to assume that the mysterious rashes were caused by, you guessed it, formaldehyde. Plaintiff Roberta Ritter of Parma, Ohio, thinks her rash came from formaldehyde, although she has declined to have her pink satin Very Sexy push up model tested. Ritter, no occupation listed, told the Cleveland Plain Dealer that her rash, “put me out of commission for a month.” Times-Picayune readers responded with some uplifting comments. “Any women out there needing “hands on” or added “support” during this braless crisis should call me @ 555-8008. I’ll be right there to “uphold” your needs. If your “cups” runneth over, remember that number again,” wrote in ceasarion. “Finally, a blessing in disguise.... First time I recall being happy that mine are too big for VS bras!” added oldnohastogo. But our favorite comment comes from bunkermental, who doesn’t see this as a gender-exclusive case. “What next? Legal briefs?”

Sergio Vargas loves him some New Iberia. He evidently finds the Queen City on the Teche intoxicating. The 30-year-old recently managed to get two drunk driving charges on the same evening, according to The Daily Iberian. But Vargas gets the hat trick, too. He’s accused of not only getting two DWIs, but doing it extravagantly: by crashing into other drivers, and by pulling it off within a 30-minute span. A sheriff’s spokesman told The Iberian that Vargas’ blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit. His car had Texas plates, but Vargas was also arrested for DWI in New Iberia in 2004. Apparently, he returns to New Iberia every so often to drink, and to drive, and to be a couillon.