Pooyie! 05.27.2009

Maybe it’s something in the water. Fourth-graders at Eunice Elementary School nailed the mathematics portion of the dreaded Louisiana Education Assessment Program test, and we mean they really nailed it. One hundred percent of the students at Eunice Elementary scored basic or above on the LEAP in math. One hundred percent is every last one of them, in case math isn’t your thing. That’s far superior to the St. Landry Parish average for fourth-graders: 65 percent scored basic or above on LEAP math. Maybe this week’s entry should be under the heading, “C’est Extraordinaire.”

Its French name is Pont Breaux. But Breaux Bridge, a city so enamored of causeways over water that it named a city park “Parc des Ponts de Pont Breaux” (could you get in another pont there, buddy?), isn’t living up to its name. According to The Teche News, two of the three bridges over Bayou Teche in the city limits were suddenly and unexpectedly closed last week by the state Department of Transportation and Development due to safety concerns. The closures — first Bridge Street then Refinery Road — occurred with no warning from DOTD. Bridge Street may open this week. Refinery Road will take longer. Now, residents in Breaux Bridge have but one way of crossing the Teche: the East Mills Avenue (La. 94) bridge. For the time being, getting from here to there in the city of bridges is a major pain in the Teche.

Turn that frown upside down, John Lucas! This week’s couillon has reason to frown: He’s mugging for his mug shot taken about an hour after his wedding, according to The Times-Picayune. The Jefferson Parish resident, along with his brother and nephew, were cuffed on disturbing the peace and other charges just as the reception was getting under way. It all began when the nephew was “encouraged” by a police officer working security at the private hall to pull up his saggy pants. The lad’s dad, Lucas’ brother, told the cop to mind his own business. It got ugly from there. Said the nephew who precipitated the betrothal brouhaha, “They spent $1,500 on dance lessons, and they didn’t even get to dance.” So couillon. So, so couillon.